Humility
by Rev. Paul Howden
September 30, 2007
Seventeenth Sunday after Trinity
Luke 14:20

Clinical narcissism is a growing problem in our day. Narcissus was the young man of Greek mythology who sat all day long gazing at his reflection in a pool of water. He became enamored with himself, and as punishment the gods turned him into a flower. From him we get the word narcissism. Narcissists act as if there is nobody else in the picture. They are notoriously spiteful and vicious and usually alienate anyone close to them. Here are some of the criteria of a narcissist:

1. He has a grandiose sense of self-importance. He exaggerates his achievements and expects to be recognized as superior.
2. He has fantasies of achieving unlimited success, power, brilliance, or love.
3. He believes he is special and unique and should only associate with special or high status people.
4. He requires excessive admiration.
5. He has a sense of entitlement: he has high expectations and you better comply with his expectations automatically or he might explode.
6. He is exploitative: he takes advantage of others for his own ends.
7. He lacks empathy: he can’t identify with the needs or suffering of others.
8. He is envious: he is envious of others; or he thinks others are envious of him, or both.
9. With people in general he shows an arrogant behavior or a haughty attitude.

If you meet at least five of the nine criteria above, you qualify as a bona fide narcissist. You have N.P.D.: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (using the jargon of psychologists). Even if you are not a pure narcissist, everyone has some narcissistic traits. We all fight pride, self-love, self-importance and a bit of grandiosity.

The teaching of Jesus stands in clear opposition to narcissism. The Lord states in Luke 14:10, “Sit down in the lowest place…for he who humbles himself will be exalted.” What was the context? “Jesus went into the house of one of the rulers of the Pharisees to eat bread on the Sabbath” (Luke 14:1). The table was set and it was time to eat. The host called everyone into the dining room, and Jesus noticed how the guests jostled to get the best seats. So He told the crowd a parable. We read about it in Luke 14:7-11. This will be our text for this morning, and the theme will be humility.

And he put forth a parable to those which were bidden, when he marked how they chose out the chief rooms; saying unto them. When thou art bidden of any man to a wedding, sit not down in the highest room; lest a more honourable man than thou be bidden of him; And he that bade thee and him come and say to thee, Give this man place; and thou begin with shame to take the lowest room. But when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room; that when he that bade thee cometh, he may say unto thee, Friend, go up higher: then shalt thou have worship in the presence of them that sit at meat with thee. For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

A typical wedding feast involved a lot of guests. There would be advantageous places to enjoy the festivities, and some that were not quite as good. The important seats would be up high close to the bride and groom, whereas the lower places would be farther away.

Under these circumstances Jesus recommended: “Do not sit down in the best place… sit in the lowest place.” Why? Well, there is a risk that if you run to the highest place, the host may come, and in the sight of everyone else, ask you to move down. That would be embarrassing. The better idea would be to quietly take the lowest and farthest seat. Then there is the possibility that the host will say to you, “Friend, go up higher.” As a result of your humility, you would gain honor in the eyes of the dinner crowd.

What is the point here? The principle being taught is not good table manners, nor a clever way to attain status, but the importance of humility. Humility is one of the great Christian principles. In Matthew 18:4 the Lord stated: “Whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” Phillippians 2:5-9 shows the Son of God demonstrating the greatest humility when He came to earth and die.

Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:

Christ says in verse 11, “For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Pride eventually leads to shame, for boasting and arrogance are an abomination to the Lord. It is the humble person who is great in God’s sight. “For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” The words, “Whoever exalts himself” refers to the peacock, to the narcissist, the person fueled by grandiosity.

Pride is the primary barrier to humility, and pride is sneaky. How is that so? Our sinful nature blinds us to it. It doesn’t take any effort to learn to think much of ourselves, to care for ourselves, to consider our own needs, wants, desires. We naturally gaze at our reflection like the boy. So we must resist that self-absorption. As one author put it: “Stop gazing at your navel. It’s not that interesting.” The Christian thinks of others, and how to help them. A Christ-like humility orients us away from ourselves toward others.  

Pride is tricky in another way. We see it in everyone else, but we rarely see it in ourselves. We take umbrage at those who look down on us, who give us the brush. We can hardly abide people who talk about themselves all the time, and show off. Yet, we are sometimes unaware of those same tendencies in ourselves. It is possible for you and me to utter prideful words, to show a superior attitude, and do haughty things, without realizing how ugly it is coming off. Other people see it, but we don’t. We are too self-centered. We have blind spots.

The mad scramble of the guests for the best seats reveals the competitive nature of pride. Here is another facet of narcissism (or pride). C.S. Lewis has some insights on the subject in his classic Mere Christianity. Listen to what he says: “Pride is essentially competitive – is competitive by its very nature. Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If every one else became equally rich, or clever, or good looking there would be nothing to be proud about. It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest… If I am a proud man, then, as long as there is one man in the whole world more powerful, or richer, or cleverer than I, he is my rival and my enemy.”

A fifteen-year-old recently had a birthday party. His parents threw a big bash for his friends and family members. When he opened his present and discovered it wasn’t as expensive as his friends', he stormed out in a rage. The gift was disappointing because it was less than his friends'. What is the solution to overcoming this devilish sin called pride? There are several things.

First, Jesus said, “Go and sit down in the lowest place.” In other words, have a humble and lowly demeanor. Don’t be pompous and presumptuous, but modest and lowly. Try to think of others as better than you; and you as lower than they. Presumption is a proud posture, a self-centered mental state that leads people to assume that they can do or have things that they really don’t deserve. Young people graduate from high school today and think they are immediately entitled to a $60,000.00 a year job with free use of the company car. They have a keen sense of entitlement but no sense of how the real world of business operates. When you come into an organization, be willing to start at the bottom and work your way up. Be willing to sit at the feet of others and learn. Be teachable! Be humble! Don’t be presumptuous! My brother has a construction business, and one of the problems he has with new employees is their unteachability. He does a kind of waterproofing that takes months to master. It requires skill to mix the calking and smooth it on the right way so it looks good. One must grasp a hundred tricks of the trade in order to avoid a complete mess. Yet when he tries to teach brand new employees they interrupt him: “I know,” they say. “I already know how to do it. I can handle it. Leave me alone.” They won’t listen. They won’t learn, and that creates problems.

“Go and sit down in the lowest place,” Jesus proclaimed. That statement asks us to fight against our thoughts of being better than others. Humility is a virtue that involves a self-forgetfulness and lowliness that is gentle, teachable, flexible, and peaceful. On the other hand, a smug sense of superiority, a rush to get the best seats leads to strife and misery.

Thomas A Kempis in his book, The Imitation of Christ, said it well, “Count not thyself better than others, lest perchance thou appear worse in the sight of God, who knoweth what is in man. Be not proud of thy good works, for God’s judgments are of another sort than the judgments of man, and what pleaseth man is ofttimes displeasing to Him. If thou hast any good, believe that others have more, and thou shalt preserve thy humility. It is no harm to thee if thou place thyself below all others: but it is great harm if thou place thyself above even one. Peace is ever with the humble man, but in the heart of the proud there is envy and continual wrath.” Let us trust our Lord’s words that lowliness of mind and humility is a blessing.

Another way we can develop humility is through service. Service to others is most conducive to the growth of humility; and the best service is hidden service. Every once in a while some tycoon or Hollywood star holds a press conference to announce that he or she is giving a million dollars to such and such a charity. That is a nice deed, but it is service in the limelight, service that strains for popular approval. The kind of service Christ modeled was hidden service; deeds of kindness done with little recognition or expectation of profit. “Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing” (Matthew 6:13).

Scripture repeatedly tells us that it is the Church’s job to feed the hungry, visit the sick, and care for widows and orphans. Such good deeds push us out of our comfort zones, but they qualify as hidden service that pleases the Lord. Frequently, the service God desires is as simple as making the bed, cleaning the house, fixing dinner, washing the dishes, taking out the trash, washing the laundry, mowing the lawn, and picking up toys. Humility involves the faithful and diligent labor at your place of employment, the wise use of money, the loving but firm raising of your children, the cheerful acceptance of all the Lord has already given you; such are the deeds of humility.  

How can we gain humility? Pray for humility. Pray for it daily. Ask God your Heavenly Father to show you your blind spots. Listen to those who correct you. They have an objective perspective that can help you. Listen, even if you think they are wrong.

Patience is surely helpful. Patience is closely linked to humility. Putting up with others is a sign of humility.

Endure suffering patiently. Try to eliminate words and attitudes that create self-pity. A man recently succumbed to cancer. His best friend visited him at his bedside before he passed away. He apologized when he winced with pain because he thought it made his guest uncomfortable. So don’t wallow in self-pity. To quietly endure suffering is a component of humility.

Listen to others. Listening is crucial. Bishop Grote told me that he met a Bishop of another denomination. The meeting began by the bishop sharing his personal testimony for three hours. Instead of being impressed with God’s work in his life, everyone present was rolling his eyes at the self-absorption of a person who could talk about himself for three hours straight. In conversation with other people, listen; dialogue. Don’t monologue.

And most importantly follow the example of Jesus Christ. He humbled Himself to the point of death! (Phil. 2:5ff.) If you set your life beside the life of the Lord, if you compare your goodness, humility, and labors next to His, then pride will tend to evaporate. You will come to recognize your pride and unworthiness next to the righteousness of Jesus. And think of God’s mercy and grace. If it weren’t for the blood of Jesus Christ shed on the cross, you never would have received an invitation to the Marriage Supper of the Lamb at the Last Day. But thanks be to God you do have that invitation to the Feast. Jesus earned it for you. Rejoice in His atonement. Through the Blood of Jesus God graciously redeems sinners. He gives you a place at His banquet. So seek the power of the Holy Spirit to cultivate humility. Be willing to sit at the lowest seat, and you will be exalted.

Let us pray.